inspiration

i've been struggling with mental illness for more than half of my life. the past 10 years have been a constant up and down and down and down and down

and now i'm on the upside again and thats probably one of the most important things i have to say to anyone who is willing to listen.

there is always hope and things will always get better.

i was close to death so many times i had multiple dates set to kill myself i struggled with these suicidal thoughts for way too long and i dont want to lie and say its all good now but its better, its definitely better. i went through all kinds of therapy, methods, was hospitalized, tried different medications, pretty much anything you can think of i've definitely seen the other side of life but now here i am. living on my own in a city far away from everone i know, taking care of myself, working, making my own money, being responsible for little children, getting out of bed most mornings, not constantly planning my death inside my head. i'm doing a lot of things i used to avoid like the plague because of my phobia, i havent had a full on panic attack in a long time, i'm out here doing things i like, learning that life goes on and is worth it to live. and i am not writing all this to show how strong i am or otherbullshit, this is not about me at all i dont think of myself as strong i just think of myself as an example and kind of as proof that it gets better and its possible to overcome/control mental illness enough to be able to live a fairly happy life. and i know that every single person in this world is capable of fighting depression and suicidal thoughts.

(i'm btw not saying that suicide is for the weak or that i dont get people who kill themselves because i do i damn well get them and i dont believe they have really been in a position to make a concious decision about whether or not to take their life i've been there and i know what it feels like, everyone is capable but that doesnt mean everyone succeeds.)

i used to think success would be if i managed to kill myself. my brain kept telling me that the only right thing left to do was to die that that woud prove to everyyone how miserable i was. and it felt right to think like that. but your brain is lying. don't listen. listen to the people around you that say you can get through it. listen to one random person online who thinks they have the right to tell you what you can and cant do, but trust me i'm not trying to talk over you i'm trying to save you. please listen.

if you ever need someone to talk feel free to send a message on twitter or on here or call a suicide hotline i will link some here or talk to a friend a teacher a parent a doctor a family member anyone but t a l k. love, mika xx